Five Minute Friday
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FOCUS || Your Past Is Inspiration
This is my first Five Minute Friday! I have looked on to Lisa-Jo's site from my friend Jacqui's blog, Faith and Simplicity... and I am impressed and encouraged by the commitment of these bloggers. If you blog, please click on the 'Five Minute Friday' heading at the top of this post to see what it's all about. You may just be encouraged as well!
Now for the FMF topic, FOCUS. Hmmmh. Well, the fact is, I focus on way too many things at once. With all of my effort and all of my heart. It never stops. I feel like it's a gift most times, but this perfectionism and people-pleasing comes with a price. It's at the expense of my life, focus and liveliness. All of my life I have been like this. It makes me happy that others are happy. I doesn't just make me happy... it makes me JOYFUL. It truly warms my heart to serve others. I learned something a life lesson though. When I was 21 and had just moved by myself from California to Colorado, I heard something to this extent : "Do not let other peoples' word or thoughts of you steal your joy". I get to this place where the serving turns into perfectionism, and if I feel I did not perform the task properly, I believe that others are thinking that I am a failure. In turn, I make up for it tenfold which draws way more focus and energy than the first time. Ultimately, this does not grow me as a person.
I have done this for so long, this pattern of so-called 'selflessness'. The sad thing is, I do not even see personal growth from doing this repetatively. Yes, it blesses others which is the ultimate goal... but if so much of my time is consumed with this practice, shouldn't I grow from it so I can reap of some benefits? I don't know if wanting things in return for 'me' is just totally selfish, or if it's something I should demand of myself and stick to. I want to grow and change, and I want to be blessed!
So, tying this all into my heading of your past being inspiration, I feel accomplished when looking back on my past. That through a large amount of depression and crazy trials... I can say that I focused intensely no matter what, and was able to bless others in the midst of trial. I want to leave a lasting impression on this world. Looking back and reflecting on my shady past is actually calming for me. It shows me how far I've come from what I've been. I want to be constantly growing and changing, and never be complacent. It inspires me. My habit of focusing intensely on so many different things to make things everything come together for others... I do not know if that is something to enjoy and continue, or if I should seek ways to incorporate some happiness for myself in there.
Well, it's been 8 1/2 minutes... sorry :) I need to get the hang of this!
Hey Anna! I think my favorite part of this is, "Looking back and reflecting on my shady past is actually calming for me. It shows me how far I've come from what I've been." I was just thinking today about how much of our past makes us who we are, and though we shouldn't focus on the sins that have been dealt with, there's so much (hurts and joys included) that have developed our character...it's neat to see how much we've grown and how much God has done! Anyway, I don't think it's wrong to incorporate happiness for yourself in serving others. God wants to give us joy. I guess it's just learning how to do it. Well, I'm so glad you're joining 5MF. And I hope I get to see your more! <3
ReplyDeletejacqui, i fully agree with everything you pointed out! i love that God wants to give us joy. our past is so neat to look at, and grow from. i absolutely love taking time to reflect; it's so therapeutic. it brings up the good and bad feelings, the grief and the overwhelming thoughts. God is such a great Counselor.
Deletei can't wait to join in next week and hear from you too :) <3
Anna, Great post! It's hard to balance focusing on others and self, especially when you have a heart to serve. But the great things is that we learn along the way. Great to meet you at Five Minute Friday!
ReplyDeletethank you, jessica... great to meet you too. thanks so much for the encouragement!
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