[In a note dated October 7th 2008]
I just got done watching a TV show that sparked in me the desire to share my testimony-- now is the time (finally) that I feel I should share this with the world.
A few days before my 13th birthday, something happened to me that no one should really have to experience. I prefer not to disclose anything, but the experience was that which threw me into hell on earth.
I hadn’t been surrounded by the best of friends at that time in middle school, and there were a plethora of opportunities for kids my age to do anything that they wanted to do. Especially me. In a horrible sense of worthlessness, I had in me the desire to escape everything. There were so many gateways to a lifestyle that was foreign to me, and I must have willingly stepped through that door at some unknown time. I attended parties… and had access to anything that I laid eyes on. Everyone was older than me by a few years or more, and they pushed different substances on me. They wouldn’t let me leave until I tried something new every time. But it was my choice. By the time I was newly 13, I had tried almost everything. My choices of drugs were opiates, pills, meth and alcohol. I got to smoking even a pack of cigarettes a day.
Constantly in a haze, I don’t know how I finished middle school. I stopped going to the parties and to my friend’s house-- and started going off on my own to escape. Alone, I would take anywhere from 2-5 substances at a time so I could black myself out; a sad suicide attempt each time. I guess I didn’t want to have to feel anything… now that I look back on it. Unfortunately, isolating myself with all of these drugs at my disposal was not even near the safest thing for me to choose to do. I was severely addicted to everything there was, and was spiraling into a huge depression.
One night, at the age of 14, I remember that my mom and sister were both out of the apartment. I don’t know the extent of what I consumed that night, but it was the most of anything that I had ever taken. I fell asleep worrying if I would wake up. Soon after I fell asleep, I awoke to a sound like that of hands running down my window outside. The sound startled me awake, so I fell out of my bed and to the best of my knowledge—in sheer darkness—tried to find my way to the window to see what was there. I remember in my struggle to move, I couldn’t lift my face up off of the floor. I would try to stand up, but it felt like my face was planted in the ground. After taking a while to find my way, the noise still remained as I approached my window. I got there… opened the blinds… it stopped. There was no one there, and no one around.
I remember stumbling around to find my bed again. Groping the floor to find my bedpost, I could not lift my face off of the ground! There was absolutely NO source of light anywhere; my room and the hall was completely black. Still, with no one around, I continued for my bed. At once I was able to lift my head up… in the corner of my room, out of the darkness, there was a pillar of light. It wasn’t a ‘being’ or a lamp or anything… it wasn’t supposed to be there. Scared I cried out, “God, help me. Help me” so many times.
I awoke in the morning to having blacked out on my floor. That night was bizarre, thinking back on it… but when I woke up I never abused those substances again. Yes, I went through some symptoms of withdrawal but God had heard my cry and spared me from more destruction. I never went to AA/NA meetings, counseling, etc. I had God, He did this for me.